Dear Readers,
If there are any of you still out there...
It has been an immensely long hiatus since my last post, about Figaro with Maryland Lyric Opera in 2022.
It is now, as is obvious from the title of this post, and the date stamp, that it is the end of January 2023. I have just returned home, to my 10.5' x 7.5' room in Crown Heights, Brooklyn from an extended tour of sorts.
Instead of giving you a play by play run down of my last few months (::spoiler:: which you will get at the end of this post for sure...), as if that is something that any one would find particularly interesting, I am rather going to write a detailed response/reflection to a message I received from a dear but distant friend.
My friend Reuben Walker wrote me a message several hours ago asking me "How are you holding up?," which I had read after waking up from a much needed mid-afternoon nap.
Reuben is a very fine human being, one of the most gentle and thoughtful people that music has put me in touch with. We never really know who will become or make themselves major players in our lives, and especially given the plethora and multitude of humans that I meet as an itinerant musician, this number becomes logarithmic. Reuben is one of those particular, unique friends, not to be understated is his beautiful singing.
It was 2016...
We met singing with AIMS in Graz, Austria (This is a summary from 2016) I can't say what Reuben must have thought of or did think of me then (nor can I say what he - or anyone for that matter - thinks of me now), but we became fast friends.
I am sure it was one of those final days in Graz when Reuben asked me if I had interest in hiking up a near-by mountain. I thought "well, the Germans and Austrians love to wandern," and - always game for an adventure - accepted the invitation and we proceeded to go on a fantastical hike.
Bärenschützklamm, a steep mountain through which a waterfall flows, studded with over 50 wooden bridges, is situated in Styria. It's only 43 kilometers (26 miles) north of Graz, in an area called Mixnitz. The hike features a peak in an area referred to some-what awkwardly as the pre-alps. I found out, through first hand experience, that the Austrians - as common practice - have breweries/stube situated at important junctures on long hikes. It was a gift to arrive at, what I then thought was the summit (a Latin word 😉), to find a charming Austrian sort of Bier Garden as a reward for investing my energy and time in nature. That was only - yes, you guessed it - about halfway to the peak. We ventured on and eventually arrived at the tippy top, 4,000 feet (1.2 km) closer to the heavens. It was a hot summer day, and we thought that the hike was 6 miles (9.7 km) round trip, but much to our chagrin it is in fact double. We had to rush down to catch our bus or train, I can't even remember which method, back to Graz. I also feel oddly obliged to explain that I was disturbingly poor if not destitute at the time. I was ill prepared for 6 weeks of adulting in Austria. I was subsisting on European kit-kats (which are better), 50 cent Austrian beer, brot and käse for weeks. (The Three Posts I made while in Graz, 2016)
A true adventure has a way of building bonds. I had a similar experience with Edward Speaker, ten years earlier. Ed and I fled our study abroad boundaries in Alessandria, Italy and absconded to Lugano, Switzerland. We took a reckless hike up Monte Brè at night with no money, no plan, just youthful propulsion.
I digress...
The story with Reuben doesn't end there! The rest of that trip was filled with the banalities of life. He and I kept in touch and then... I found myself, in 2018, following my partner at the time to Germany. Berlin. It became my home, and it was home to Reuben. An expat. My friend. We spent some time together, not as much as I wound have liked, but we reunited. He was an invaluable resource, but more importantly my good friend. He became one of those important connections one forms as an expat in a foreign country.
Then in March 2020 the world fell apart.
In January I had said my "goodbye for now" to Reuben and the fantastic friends I made in Berlin. My opera career finally felt like it was heading in a great direction. FINALLY!
I was studying with Jeanette Favaro-Reuter in Leipzig, I was coaching with John Norris and Adelle Eslinger in Berlin, created a strong connection with Damon Plumis and Stephano Lano in Weimar, started working with Britta Wieland as an agent and had four handsome operatic contracts in the United States.
Then nothing.
6.7 million people died. A few friends, and several acquaintances.
A post about the pandemic is WAY OUTSIDE the scope of why I started writing in the first place...
Where was I... Reuben asked me how I am holding up. Right.
When had I last heard from him? He and I were last in touch in January of 2021.
What has happened since January of 2021... how am I holding up? I mean... What is there even to say... how can I?
What do I write to you, dear reader?
What can I even remember of that time?
Since January of 2021:
- I have had 3 different bar jobs, 4 if you include my Electuaria Beverage Education business
- I returned to Germany to collect my belongings from my apartment in which they sat from January 2020 till August 2022.
- I have had 4 opera contracts, Turandot (Puccini) Le Nozze di Figaro (Mozart), Falstaff (Verdi), and I sang my first Des Grieux in Manon (Massenet).
- I have done 5 concerts or so, and a hand full of local touring.
- My partner of 6+ years and I decided to uncouple, I had a break up with another person with whom I had developed a deep connection.
- I've been to Mexico City, England, Scotland (twice), Germany, Michigan, Maryland and all over New York State.
What else...
I live in Brooklyn now...I moved on November 1st 2021. I teach, I bartend, I sing, I play bass, and I work as an apprentice blender at the Kings County Distillery (and infrequently as a tour guide).
I reconnected with a very important person with whom I have fallen madly in love. It's been a year now since we reconnected and it has been glorious.
How am I holding up? In some ways it feels like January of 2019 to April of 2022 never happened. It feels, on the one hand, like I am back - taken steps back - returned to a former world. That in the last two years I have re-stitched and hemmed together the path that I had set myself on leading into 2019, which I had detached from when I left for Germany.
On the other hand, my life is wildly different and the effects of my experiences, the pandemic, the people in (and out of) my life, and my choices in that interim have created something else for me.
The truth is, I am confused and feeling quite sad. There is plenty to feel and be grateful for, and I do indeed feel and express my gratitude for those things but there is some other darkness that I experience - some other pain or something unsettled in me.
I am holding up, and holding up quite well... not where or how I wish to be, but I am here. I am here. I am active, I am trying, I am doing my best.
Thanks for reading, y'all.
Until next time... with a warm embrace in mind...
Giuseppe
